Spider-man without Spider-man for All the Spider-man

Superhero cinema is in a time of upheaval. A few years ago it seemed like superheroes were the only thing audiences wanted, with cape and cowl films making billions of dollars every year. Now, though, Marvel is struggling to get any film past the $500 mark, while DC is happy that their films are profitable (and not regarded as utter shit, like they were back in the era of the DC Extended UniverseStarted as DC Comics' answer to the MCU, the early films in the franchise stumbled out of the gates, often mired in grim-dark storytelling and the rushed need to get this franchise started. Eventually, though, the films began to even out, becoming better as they went along. Still, this franchise has a long way to go before it's true completion for Marvel's universe.). Every other attempt to launch a superhero cinematic universe was met with failure, with some not even getting off the ground to begin with (just ask studios about the Valiant Cinematic Universe that was supposed to get launched on the back of Bloodshot).

Marvel has made 50-plus works (and counting) in their Marvel Cinematic UniverseWhen it first began in 2008 with a little film called Iron Man no one suspected the empire that would follow. Superhero movies in the past, especially those not featuring either Batman or Superman, were usually terrible. And yet, Iron Man would lead to a long series of successful films, launching the most successful cinema brand in history: the Marvel Cinematic Universe.. DC is at 19 (lucky number 20 will be Supergirl in 2026) if we count both the DC UniverseThe successor to WB's failed cinematic universe, the DCEU. Headed by James Gunn and Peter Safran, this new DC Universe carries over some continuity from the former film and TV series while crafting a new, rebooted universe for the future. and DCEU together (which we really shouldn’t, but the soft reboot between universes is so hard to explain we’ll just let it ride). And their next closest competitor? Sony, with their Sony Spider-man Universe (or Sony Cinematic Universe of Spider-man Characters, or whatever they called it one week to the next), which managed to get six whole films under its belt before the studio quietly euthanized it out back behind the woodshed. These movies were awful, just about everyone agreed that these movies were awful, and yet Sony just. Kept. Trying.

Thankfully they’ve seen the error of their ways, realizing that these live-action films were unbankable and unloved, and they were getting much better Box Office returns from the Spider-man: Into the Spider-Verse animated films, so that will be their new focus for a cinematic universe going forward. Meanwhile that leaves these six outcasts on their own, so we can make a list of their strengths and many, many weaknesses, ranking them in order from worst to (relative) best:

But First, a Little Context…

Before we can really start ranking these films we first have to discuss just what Sony was going for in the first place. Ever since The Amazing Spider-man (which came out in 2012 right on the heels of Marvel proving the superhero cinematic universe could really work and be Box Office gold with The Avengers), Sony had dreams of launching their own superhero universe centered around the characters they had control of: SpidermanSure, DC Comics has Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman, but among the most popular superheroes stands a guy from Marvel Comics, a younger hero dressed in red and blue who shoots webs and sticks to walls. Introduced in the 1960s, Spider-Man has been a constant presence in comics and more, featured in movies regularly since his big screen debut in 2002. and all his associated characters, rivals, allies, and rogues. However, they kept running into problems. The first was that The Amazing Spider-man 2, which was supposed to act as the launching point for the Sinister Six and begin the whole of Sony’s universe, didn’t fare well at the Box Office. It was the least successful Spider-man film up to that point, and was rated very poorly by fans. It’s what led Sony to make a deal with Marvel to let Big M use Spidey in the MCU, all so Sony could taste that glory.

But Sony didn’t want to give up their ambitions. They still had all these characters, all associated with Spidey in some form or another, and they knew they could do all kinds of wild, Box Office-worthy things, if they just threw enough money at the wall. There was one more hitch they had to get over: how could they make live-action movies about Spider-man characters if Spidey wasn’t in them. He was over in the MCU and either Sony couldn’t, or didn’t want to, use Spidey in their other films. “Easy,” they thought. “We’ll make Spider-man films without the web head.”

This is a stupid idea on its face because no one is going to see these characters on their own. They watch them because Spidey battles them. If you remove the connection to the hero, a hero who is oftentimes a formative part of their origin story and character motivations, then what do you actually have? Mostly just random characters that barely resemble their original versions, slapped into films with stories that make no sense, all so that Sony could dupe audiences into watching superhero films of subpar quality. And for a brief moment it almost worked.

They started the universe with Venom, which actually proved to be the best idea they had. If they were going to pursue this incredibly stupid idea they had to do it on the backs of characters that could stand on their own. While the original story for Venom is tied inextricably to Spidey, the black-suited symbiote had proven to be one of the most popular villains (turned anti-heroes) in Spidey’s rogues gallery. If any villain could do it, could stand on their own without the need for Spidey, it was Venom. So, yes, credit to Sony for that.

But then they went out and made a bunch of movies with Z-grade villains barely anyone in the general audience knew or cared about, and they acted shocked that these films didn’t make money. When you have control of some of the most famous characters in comic book history, like Green Goblin, or the Scarlet Spider, or Silk, why are you making films about Madame Web or Morbius? Not only were these films trash (as we’ll get to) but no one knows these characters, especially outside the context of a Spider-man story. There’s a reason these films failed, and it was all down to what characters Sony decided to go with.

Well, and also that the films were garbage. It was a mix of the two factors.

Madame Web

On that front, when we discuss a bad film with characters no one knows anything about, top (or, really, bottom) of the list is Madame Web. In the comics, Ms. Web is an enigmatic, blind, old woman who sits in a chair and taps into the Spider-verse to follow the strands of fate and predict future events… or something. Honestly, I know comics and I don’t even know that much about this character. And yet, despite the fact that she’s one of the least known, and least cared about, Spider-man associates Sony could have gone with, the studio said, “hey, how about a Madame Web film?” I would love to know the thought process there.

Regardless of their reasoning, what came out in early 2024 was one of the worst superhero films ever seen (and that includes such stinkers as Steel and Catwoman). Madame Web is a misbegotten film mashed together from a half-finished script, alternate takes, B-roll footage, and a whole lot of ADR. The film ostensibly follows Cassie Webb (Dakota Johnson), a woman who suddenly (and for no seeming reason) discovers she has the power to see the future. She meets three teen girls who, she foresees, are going to be killed by a random, barefoot, suit-wearing dude, and she decides she has to help them. And then the film just faffs around for an hour until an unconvincing and unearned climax occurs.

Honestly, we could have gone with three different films for this bottom rank as Madame Web, Morbius, and Kraven the Hunter are all almost equally bad. The reason I ranked Madame Web as the worst of the set is for two reasons. The first is that this film is so incomprehensible, and with so little merit to its storytelling, that it loses all pace, power, and meaning before it even gets going. Say what you will about the other two films but they at least have some semblance of a plot while Madame Web does not.

But the film also completely represents and misuses its main character. The character of Cassie here has absolutely nothing to do with the character of Cassandra Webb from the comics outside their shared name. Nor does any other character in the film, all of whom are butchered and mangled visions of their comic counterparts. This film plays like a comic book mad-lib, taking pieces and rearranging them into something that doesn’t even resemble the comics at all. There’s artistic liberty and then there’s what Madame Web did. On every front this is one of the worst adaptations, and worst superhero films, I’ve ever seen, and I’m thankful this cinematic universe is over so I never have to watch it again.

• Madame Web Review

Morbius

Speaking of films I never want to watch again: Morbius. This film is a joke, on so many fronts. A film that was delayed multiple years (due to COVID, to be fair), that then went under the knife over and over again as Sony edited and reedited it to try and make it a film that people could care about. In the end, though, the film was so bad, so hated by just about everyone, that it eventually became an internet meme, launching the phrase, “it’s Morbin Time,” which was funny right up to the point where the studio tried to get in on the joke, ruining it in the process.

Oh, and Sony thought the internet memes about the film actually meant it was beloved by fans, so they released it in theaters a second time, leading Morbius to be the only film (that anyone can think of) that managed to bomb at the Box Office twice. That is some feat, and it is the only note about the film that’s actually worth discussing. The film itself is not… but let’s get into it anyway for a few brief moments.

Morbius is about Dr. Michael Morbius (Jared Leto), a brilliant (we’re told) physician who is also dying of some kind of unknown wasting disease. He has maybe months to live and is desperate to find a cure. He turns to vampire bats and uses an infusion of a serum of their blood to try and heal him. It works, instantly building him into a buff, well-muscled man… who just so happens to also have a craving for blood and bat-like superpowers. Yes, Morbius turned himself into a vampire bat, and the police want nothing more than to stop him. Also a friend of his who was also dying takes the formula as well and becomes an evil vampire so the two vampires have to fight each other for vampire supremacy…

Yeah, okay, the film falls apart in the last act. Not that it was very good to begin with, mind you. Morbius is coherent up to a point, which is more than can say for Madame Web, but it’s by no means a good film. Much like Madame Webb, Morbius is a poorly stitched together film that feels like it was cobbled together from a bunch of alternate takes and B-roll footage just to try and salvage a bad film. It only made it worse, though. It’s hard to say if the original cut of the film was any good, but the final version is a leaden, tedious mess that never manages to be fun or interesting.

And, really, most of the blame lies at the feet of Jared Leto. This self-serious, creepy human barely fits into the film. He lacks energy or charisma and any time he’s on screen the film loses all sense of soul. It’s a pity, really, that Leto had to be the main character because there was an actor in the film that proved he could have fun and be quite watchable: Matt Smith. Cast as the villainous friend, Smith should have played Morbius and Leto, if he had to be in the film, should have been the villainous friend. But that wasn’t the film we got and we’re all worse off for it.

Morbius is a terrible movie, just one more in a string of failures for Sony that proved their whole Spider-man without Spider-man universe really wasn’t going to work out.

• Morbius Review

Kraven the Hunter

Of the three non-Venom films, I think Kraven the Hunter was the best of the set. That’s not saying much as it’s still a pretty terrible film, but at least this one has both a plot and a charismatic lead in the title role. You’d think those would be basic requirements for any film, and yet Sony seemed dead set on proving otherwise. But even though it was the best of the trio (by degrees) it was also the biggest bomb of the three of them, and it was the film that finally forced Sony to throw in the towel. I may actually be giving it extra points for all the good it finally brought to the world. Thank you, Kraven the Hunter, for showing Sony the error of its ways.

The film follows Aaron Taylor-Johnson as Sergei Kravinoff. As a young man he went out on safari with his Russian criminal gang lord father, Nikolai Kravinoff (Russell Crowe), also so his father could test him and prove that his son could be a man. Instead, Sergei was attacked by a lion and dragged off to be eaten. Thankfully a young girl with a magic potion, Calypso Ezili (played as an adult by Ariana DeBose), gave Sergei a drink and it not only brought him back to life but also infused him with generic jungle animal powers. Now he fights against crime lords and those who would hurt wildlife, all for the love of the hunt.

Although there’s plenty wrong with this film, the biggest sin Kraven the Hunter makes is that its main character bears almost no resemblance to the character of Kraven the Hunter from comics. There he’s a villain who loves to hunt, and he’ll hunt anything: criminals, superheroes, and especially animals. He isn’t some animal-loving tree hugger like he is in the film, but it’s clear Sony liked the idea of an animal man and wanted to make a hero out of him, whether it suited the original character or not.

If you can set that aside, Kraven the Hunter is still pretty terrible, but at least not as terrible as other films on this list. Yes, it’s a bad Kraven the Hunter adaptation, and yes it’s a mediocre film in general, but it does have a few things going for it. First is that Taylor-Johnson is a solid actor who does his best to keep this film going. He invests way more in Kraven the Hunter than the film deserves, and his scenes, at least, are quite watchable. This is accented by a few action set-pieces that are at least decent and kind of fun.

It’s not enough to elevate this film or make it some hidden gem that people somehow missed. It’s not. It’s a bad movie. But on the scale of the Sony Spider-man Universe levels of bad, Kraven the Hunter is actually one of the better films from this set, and that’s sadly saying something.

• Kraven the Hunter Review

Next time we’ll go over the three films that were actually worth watching, especially when compared to just how awful these three movies ended up being. It’s all a matter of degrees when we’re discussing Sony’s films, and we have to take what we can get…