Lost in a Sea Downunder

I am not someone that has ever watched Spongebob Squarepants. As that show started in 1999 and, by that point, I was long past regularly watching Nickelodeon, it was not a show I partook of during its initial run, nor any of its spin-offs, films, or revivals. It’s the kind of franchise that I’m far enough behind on, at this point, that I don’t feel like putting in the effort to even learn about the series. There’s too much, and there are too many other shows and movies out there for me to take the time to explore this cartoon that wasn’t meant for me back when it first debuted.

With that said, I am at least aware of the existence of the franchise, as well as the fact that it is super popular and will likely remain so for years and years to come. It was not shocking to me, at all, that Wendy’s announced they were doing a collaboration meal with Nickelodeon for Spongebob Squarepants (although if you asked me what exactly this was tied into, beyond just the franchise in general, I wouldn’t be able to tell you). The series has a burger place in its landscape (which I learned watching Binging with Babish), so a collaboration with a burger joint in the real world makes a certain amount of sense.

Thus we have the Krabby Patty Kollab Meal, a combo featuring a Krabby Patty Kollab Burger plus a Small Pineapple Under The Sea Frosty, and a set of fries. Pricewise this meal ran me about 11 bucks in my area, which is no small amount considering I got basically a medium fry, a Wendy’s single with some special sauce, and a mildly special frosty. Anyone saying that the prices for fast food have become outrageous, I wholeheartedly agree.

So let’s start with the burger. The Krabby Patty Kollab Burger is a pretty standard Wendy’s Single with Cheese. Lettuce, tomato, pickles, and onion all come on top, along with a dollop of special sauce. The burger also tastes like a standard Wendy’s Single, which has all those same toppings, but mayo and ketchup in place of special sauce. That, though, is the issue: if you didn’t tell me that the burger was a Krabby Patty and came with special sauce, I wouldn’t be able to know. It tastes a lot like a Wendy’s Single with ketchup and mayo to the point that this doesn’t feel like a special burger at all.

Spongebob lives in a pineapple under the sea. That is part of the theme song that even people who haven’t watched the show (like me) know by heart. While the basic Krabby Patty burger from the series might just be a lot like the Wendy’s Single (I wouldn’t know as, again, I don’t watch the show), what I can say is that for a special burger meant for people to enjoy, this Kollab burger lacks the cool stuff you’d expect on a Spongebob Squarepants burger. It feels too literal to a standard burger featured on the series when, in reality, it should have had, like, teriyaki sauce and a slice of grilled pineapple.

That’s not just coming from me, mind you; I talked to a friend that actually likes Spongebob Squarepants and, upon hearing what was on the burger, their immediate reaction was, “where’s the grilled pineapple?” That is such an obvious topping for the burger that even fans of the show expect it. The fact that the burger doesn’t have anything like that on it shows how much Wendy’s missed the mark with this “Kollab”. In fact, I want to say that Wendy’s cheaped out completely, deciding to go with the most basic of burgers that they could make from stuff they already had in restaurants, and charge a premium for it to boot.

Meanwhile, we also have that special Frosty. Now, anyone that knows how a Wendy’s operates should know that the Wendy’s Frosty machines can only hold two flavors. Generally that’s chocolate and vanilla, but when they do special flavors they usually swap out the vanilla for something else (like strawberry or triple berry or the like). That’s not what they did here, though, as the special Pineapple Under The Sea Frosty is a vanilla frosty with pineapple mango puree in the drink.

What’s key to note, though, is that the pulpy goo is not blended into the drink, primarily because Wendy’s doesn’t have a drink blender. The pulp is put in first, and then the Frosty is machined out on top, and it’s served just like that, Frosty floating on goo. It’s weird, when you’d expect this to be blended or, at the very least, swirled in, because you would expect that this way the Frosty is going to taste like vanilla with just some fruit pulp at the bottom. And, well, that would be exactly what this tastes like.

Wendy’s Frosties are thick. You generally have to let them melt a bit before you can drink them with a straw, which is why the stores always serve them with spoons. But this leads to an issue with the Pineapple Under The Sea Frosty because these drinks are hard to stir. I tried to give my Frosty a solid stir to mix the citrus flavors into the vanilla drink, but due to the thickness of the shake, as well as the viscosity of the goo, I couldn’t really get it to mix. The goo stayed largely at the bottom, and only a little swirled in.

What goo did mix in actually tasted pretty good. It was a lot like an orange dreamsicle, with that pop of bright citrus flavor mixed with tasty cream. In fact, that’s once again a bit of an issue: the mix of pineapple and mango into the vanilla didn’t preserve any of the pineapple or mango flavors. It just tasted like orange, weirdly. It makes me wonder how much of that goo is actually pineapple and mango and whether or not there’s a bunch of filler orange juice in there as well to make the goo cheaper to produce.

The other problem is that because all the citrus goo is at the bottom, once you’ve drunk up most of that with as much vanilla Frosty as you can, all you’re left with is generic vanilla Frosty afterwards. It’s good for a time, but then you have a basic Frosty that doesn’t feel special at all. While I’m sure Wendy’s didn’t want to do a three week run of a special Frosty flavor they had to swap in, I feel like that would have been better, overall, for this “Kollab” over this half-assed mix they did for the drink, as well as the burger.

That, really, is the big issue: this feels so half-assed and half-hearted. It doesn’t feel like a special combo, especially for the price they charge. This is just a Wendy’s Single and a vanilla Frosty with a couple of squirts of goo thrown onto the items. For ten bucks and special branding, I expect better.