Getting Too Old For This…

As was standard during the NES and SNES era, different consoles received different styles of games, all bearing the same name (and all generally released around the same time). You can see this with the various BatmanOne of the longest running, consistently in-print superheroes ever (matched only by Superman and Wonder Woman), Batman has been a force in entertainment for nearly as long as there's been an entertainment industry. It only makes sense, then that he is also the most regularly adapted, and consistently successful, superhero to grace the Silver Screen. games, released for each movie (and animated series) in the franchise during the 1990s, all of them bearing the names of those movies and shows but each distinctly different games based on the console in question. Sometimes this was done by different developers all sharing a license. Otherwise it was a single developer deciding that if they put out different versions of the game maybe, just maybe, they could sell multiple copies. Somehow I doubt that plan worked out so well for Ocean Software and the Lethal WeaponFirst started with a script by Shane Black, the Lethal Weapon franchise (movies and television) tells the story of older cop Murtaugh and his loose cannon, living on the edge partner Riggs. license.

Ocean handled both the NES/Game Boy and SNES/Arcade versions of the Lethal Weapon games (along with all the various PC ports as well). We’ve already looked at the NES version, which was a competent if not really inspired beat-em-up platformer, but the SNES version was not just somewhat different, it was a completely different game in all respects. Clearly two different teams within Ocean were handed the license and were told, “make a Lethal Weapon game.” Neither of them really nailed it but, if we’re being fair, the SNES game does try a little harder (in certain respects).

In the SNES game (which, again, was released to tie into Lethal Weapon 3), Riggs and Murtaugh are given a series of missions to complete (in any order), working various crimes and terrorist situations around Los Angeles (because when terrorists attack, the guys you want on the job are two reckless beat cops). These missions take them from the docks, to the mall, a construction site, an apartment complex, and finally (for the climactic fifth missions) the police precinct. Riggs or Murtaugh (your choice for each mission) have to jump, climb, shoot, and fight their way through hordes of enemies, scaling the levels until they reach the end where, usually, they fight a boss and complete the mission. Then it’s on to the next until it’s “case closed” for all.

When I looked at the NES game I had to admit that it stuck pretty close to the beat-em-up genre, giving us a series of long (if uninspired) belt-scrolling levels to traverse. The SNES game is similar in that respect insofar as it takes a common genre – in this case the long, platforming maze style of levels that were prevalent in so many SNES games of the time – and sticks very closely to the genre. This game is a weirdo platformer, through and through, with all of the standard expectations you’d have for that style of game.

Now, in fairness to Ocean, this is one of the better maz-style exploring platforming games I’ve played. The controls are fairly tight, the mazes aren’t the worst things I’ve ever seen, and overall the game seems competently made. This is certainly a better interaction of the concept than in Timecop or The Amazing Spider-Man: Web of Fire or any of the other multitudes of games that stuck to this style. I found it to be decent, even sometimes fun, which I didn’t expect considering what I was playing (i.e. a licensed game based on Lethal Weapon).

When I say I had fun I have to note that it came in small doses. The game, competent as it is, does go on for a very long time and anytime the game has a good idea or a solid platforming section it then beats that concept into the ground for minutes at a time. The game is about an hour long (if you spend time collecting all the power-ups and traversing all there is to see) spread across five levels, and that comes out to over 10 minutes per level. That’s a long time to spend in a zone doing anything.

To compare, a standard Super Mario SeriesHe's the world's most famous plumber and the biggest face in Nintendo's stable, a character so ubiquitous you already knew we were talking about Mario even before we said his name. or Sonic the Hedgehog level would be about three minutes and that’s because, in three minutes, you can see all you need to of a concept. Be it moving platforms or jets that blow you around stages or switch puzzles, anything beyond three minutes or so gets tedious. That’s what happens in Lethal Weapon: everything, eventually, becomes tedious. It’s never bad, but it’s all done for so long, with so little creativity once a new idea is introduced, that you get tired of it before the zone is even over. And you can expect this over and over again.

The levels themselves, while varied in their construction, are all basically the same. Riggs or Murtaugh will jump, platform, and climb from one end of the maze-like structure to the other. This can involve riding all kinds of platforms, climbing any number of ropes and chains, and scaling, hand-over-hand, along girders and pipes. It’s the kind of action you’d expect from superheroes (especially Batman and SpidermanSure, DC Comics has Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman, but among the most popular superheroes stands a guy from Marvel Comics, a younger hero dressed in red and blue who shoots webs and sticks to walls. Introduced in the 1960s, Spider-Man has been a constant presence in comics and more, featured in movies regularly since his big screen debut in 2002.) and that leads to the next issue I had with this game: for all its trappings, and it does have a lot, this still doesn’t feel like a Lethal Weapon game.

I noted that this game tried harder than the NES title to act like a functional Lethal Weapon game, and that’s true. This title has a few little stills from the third movie put in between stages, and the game has a couple of voice clips it uses as well. The various characters are (loosely) based on the actors, giving everything the look of a Lethal Weapon title. In construction, though, the action doesn’t feel right. It’s fine for a generic platformer, sure, something with no-name superheroes leaping around like insects or creatures of the night. For humans, though, and especially for one that’s “getting to old for this…” (because the games censors “shit”), it doesn’t make any sense.

The very first mission, along the docks, has your chosen hero climbing the masts of ships, scaling along pipes, and doing the kinds of daring action that Spider-man would take on. Amusingly, I chose Murtaugh as my hero for this stage and watching him, age of 50, platforming around like a 18-year-old bitten by a radioactive mongoose, seemed so anachronistic I had to laugh. It wasn’t right, in any regard, and while I could respect that the game was playable enough for what it was, I could never get around the fact that the people that clear took a look at Lethal Weapon 3 and used it as a basis for this game thought this was the style of adventure that was needed. It just doesn’t work.

In this case I found I was somewhat more forgiving for the title, flaws and all, because it was at least playable. While I found myself getting bored for stretches at a time in the game, I also did have moments where I genuinely enjoyed myself. I’ve played a lot of terrible titles for this site, scores of awful licensed games that never should have seen the light of day. Tedious and poorly thought out as this game is, Lethal Weapon isn’t anywhere near that bad. It’s not great, and I doubt I’m ever going to want to touch this version again, but hey, had I been a kid who got this as a present back in the day, I doubt I would have hated it. It was practically a real game, and I am still shocked about that.