A Jaunt Through the Woods

No one expects much from a direct-to-video film, at least not one released back in the day. Sure, now with the rise of streaming video some productions are better, and plenty of films and shows put out on the streamers can be A-list films (if not Triple-A blockbusters), but back even ten years ago, direct-to-video was considered the realm of crap films and cheap cash-ins. A film put out in theaters required tens of millions of dollars; one put straight to DV needed but a tenth of that budget.

Of course, no one expects anything from a Uwe Boll film, either. The man, who only seems to direct video game adaptations, made such a reviled name for himself that just having "a Uwe Boll film" attached to a production let people know exactly what kind of crap they were in for. There were good films, there were bad films, but then, far below all of that, were Uwe Boll films. What's shocking isn't just how bad his films could get (as, over time, you simply get numbed to the sheer lack of talent on display in his works) but that, over the span of 16 years, producers kept letting the man make films at all. He shat out 27 movies, and acted as a producer on many more. He was a cottage industry unto himself. Cinema fans still reel from what he wrought.

Somewhere in between these two forces -- direct-to-video and Uwe Boll -- resides In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds. This direct-to-video sequel to In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale had absolutely no expectations for it. The original film was a massive flop, losing close to $50 Mil at the Box Office (before you even factor in marketing budget and additional money spent). Considering that, you might have been shocked to even learn there was a sequel to In the Name of the King. The license, though, was purchased and producers hate letting something like that go. So a on-the-cheap cash-in sequel was made for $4.5 Mil. It's shocking to think anyone would trust Uwe Boll with $4.5 Mil, but they had trusted him with $60 Mil for the first film; clearly they were tempering their expectations.

What's surprising, then, is that In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds isn't completely terrible. Oh, it's bad, and certainly not something you could compare to its Triple-A budgeted predecessor (which was, itself, no work of art). At the same, time, though, the tempered expectations of a direct-to-video feature help to alleviate some of the pressure on this work. The best way i can put it is that, had this been released as the pilot to a Dungeon Siege TV show, on, saw, the CW or something like that, then this movie would have actually fit right in. It's cheap, it's silly, and it has some terrible performances from its various co-stars, but it does at least functionally convey its story in a breezy 96 minutes. Whether that's worth the $4.5 Mil spent on it (when, you have to expect, CW shows are made for a few hundred thousand dollars per episode) is questionable, but just maybe Uwe Boll missed his calling as a low-rent TV director.

The film follows Granger (Dolph Lundgren), a former special forces type who now works at his own dojo. He prefers peace over fighting, but is quite capable with a knife or a gun when called upon. And he does get called upon, in short order, when a group of hooded thugs suddenly appear in his house, seemingly there to kill him. He's aided in his fight against these clocked figured by Elianna (Natalia Guslistaya), a mage from the past who has come to the present to find Granger. She needs his help due to a prophecy, so she quickly grabs his hand and drags him back to the past. Sadly, before she can explain things further she's killed by one of the hooded thugs, leaving Granger to fend for himself.

Quickly gathered up by the royal guard, Granger is taken to the King (Lochlyn Munro), who soon realizes that Granger is the man from the prophecy. Granger has a quest, so the King says, s series or tasks that he must complete to fulfill the prophecy and save the world of the past. Saving the past would save his own world, "The Time Beyond", so Granger readily agrees. He's then sent out into the woods outside the castle, with a group of the king's best men, to fulfill his duties and save the world, lest the evil Holy Mother (Christina Jastrzembska) and her goons end all of humanity.

I never thought I'd say this but Dolph Lundgren is the the real reason to watch this film. Although I never found myself a fan of his previous works, with Lundgren coming across like a low-rent Arnold, the fact is that the man can actually act. The material on display in Two Worlds is nothing special, and frankly beneath this man's talent, but Lundgren does what he can with what he's given. He genuinely seems happy to be working, and while this script is beneath him, he makes his character work.

Lochlyn Munro is also pretty good here. The actor has been in a lot of works, film and television, but is almost invariably one of those, "hey, it's that guy" performers. And the same can be said here as he does decently well as the King (who also ends up being a villain). The role is underwritten, his character arc fairly obvious, but none of that is the fault of Munro. He's fine in the role, underplaying it just right to stand equal with Lundgren. Neither are challenged here, but they comes out of the film without doing any career damage.

The same can't really be said for anyone else in the film, though. Most of the performers are so lackluster that you forget they're even in the movie. Those that do stand out otherwise, though, do so because they overact their performances. Aleks Paunovic plays Allard, the head of the king's guard, and he chews far too much scenery for his short, underdeveloped role. Meanwhile Natassia Malthe plays Manhattan, the healer, and she's so loud and broad that it feels like she's acting for the cheap seats. Both needed to bring their performances down to a reasonable level, but instead just look bad in comparison to the leads.

And, let's be clear, the story is nothing special. A fish out of water comes to a foreign land, has to perform three tasks (one of which he gets credit for by default) all so he can fulfill a McGuffin storyline. It's tired and tedious and the film just goes through the motions anyway. The one time anything really interesting happens its because a bad, CGI monster shows up. It certainly livens the experience, both for action as well as just laughable moments, but I'd hardly say even this sequence was worth the price of admission. Just, in general, this story is lacking.

With all that said, again, had this been on the CW in the mid 2010s, I could have seen myself watching it. Maybe I would have even tuned in for the series to follow, on the off chance it was picked up past pilot season. It's diverting, for a time, and at least has to credible actors doing what they can to make the film watchable. For a direct-to-video story, that's almost enough. Almost.

Still, that's hardly a recommendation. By the metrics of Uwe Boll's films, In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds is passably average. For anyone else, on any other barometer, this is just a terribly shitty film. Don't watch it unless you really feel like punishing yourself.