Video Games are All About Getting Laid

I'm not sure when exactly it struck me, but I had a realization. Video games are all about getting laid.

Allow me to elaborate upon this: When you are a kid, you never think about this sort of think. Never once did my eight year old brain think about the motives behind why Mario always saved Princess, or why Link was after the elusive Zelda. I never even caught on when games like Double Dragon had a shot of the girl's ass at the end (and every horny geek boy knows what I am talking about)... But then, I create this site, and start talking about one of my favorite passions, and lo and behold, I realize it. Video games, specifically game heroes, are all about getting laid.

Think about it (we all know I've had way to much time to do so). Practically every classic game series has this same formula. Super Mario Bros: Mario, Luigi, and Bowser all all trying to get up Princess' dress. TMNT: Always having to save April, the ravishing reporter (and damn was she a fox in the cartoon... actually wasn't too bad in the second and third movies either). Castlevania: Richter saves not one or two girls, but four (talk about a fun night). Hell, even A Boy and His Blob was about pussy. In the end, the blob saves the Princess (wasn't her name Blobonia?).

So, there's a conspiracy. What does it mean? Well, I've come up with three possible scenarios for this discovery and what we should do:

Scenario One: We tell President Bush that Japan is trying to takeover the world by having all the males from the other coutries suddenly become attracted to Blobs named Blobonia. This in turn would lead to the populations of the countries starving from jelly bean famine once the world's supply had run out. President Bush, being dumb enough to belive this, nukes Japan, and the US once again rules the video game industry. LONG LIVE ATARI!!! Likelyhood of this being the proper scenario: 25%

Scenario Two: We realize that video games aren't real, that Fink has way too much time on his hands, and we all go get drunk trying to take our minds off the thought of April O'Neil getting gang banged by the TMNT. Likelyhood of this being the proper scenario: 75%

Scenario Three...

Well, I didn't actually have a scenario three... The thought of April and the turtles completely derailed me... While I go get drunk and try to block the visual image out, I suggest you do the same...