Life and Loss

Recently, a couple of things have happened in my life that I felt like discussing. I felt it would be interesting to talk about them here, in my public ranting forum, and allow you guys a bit of insight into the serious side of my brain (something I am willing to admit rarely happens).

Firstly, someone I have known for close to 2 years recently died. Now, when I say I knew him, that doesn't mean I liked him. After about the first year we pretty much avoided each other (mostly cause he began to annoy the shit out of me). I do think deep down he was a nice person, but after awhile it struck me that the outward image he projected was false, and to be honest, to most people he was rude and kinda conceited.

My problem is, though, that while I despised the guy, deep down he still kinda was a friend. In general, I hate people with a passion. It takes a lot for me to even talk to anyone, let alone actually become friends with them. The fact that he had been a friend at one point means that I didn't hate him as much as most people I encountered.

Plus, you have to factor in how he died. He drowned, a way to die that rates right up there with burning and small animals as one of the top 5 ways I do not want to die. I really didn't wish death on the dude. Hell, I don't wish death on most people. That fact that he is dead now is kinda odd. I'm not sure if it has even now totally sunk in. But I can say this: Even if it does eventually sink in, I won't be broken up over it. And I'm not sure if that makes me callous or not...

Secondly, a close friend of mine recently broke up with his wife. I am not going into details (those are for him to keep to himself), but suffice it to say it made me think a lot about the relationship I am in now... Actually, both events have. Life sometimes seems so fragile, both your own and the lives of those around you. I would be broken up if my girl left me, let alone if she died for some reason. I may joke with her that if I lost her that I would be like Dr. Evil: "I'll move on, find a new clone, but there will be ten or fifteen minutes when I will be inconsolable." I honestly don't really think that. She is very special to me.

These last couple weeks, with today being really heavy, have marked a time when I have been extra contemplative. My mind has been boggled (part of the reason why some of the other rants I am working on are taking so long to finish).

Of course, I'm not going to say that never getting into a relationship is the best course. Hell, I am all for the "Live life to its fullest" mode of living. Never curl up into a ball and hide. Go out there, do stuff. Live it up while it lasts. Take the extra time to spend with you loved ones. You never can tell what will happen from day to day...

Ah well, do your own thinking. Talk amongst yourselves...