Seed of Fear
A field is out before you, and you feel the soft breeze upon your skin. It is pleasant and welcoming, making you more relaxed as you take it in. The field is where all fears are planted so they can be transformed into something new. The open space is wide and long, already a crop is springing up on one side, but there is plenty more room to plant more seeds.
Fears, it seems, are plentiful. But without proper planting they can fester and rot, causing problems within you. Within each fear there is a seed of truth, at their core there is a truth that needs to be addressed. Without proper care and tending - much like a garden - only bad things will come from it, harder times and problems that take more effort to take care of than if things were handled with more love and care.
But to plant that seed of fear into this field, it is an intention to transform it into something possibly quite beautiful. The transformation is far from immediate. It takes time, attention, and a lot of care - again, much like a garden. But having faith, and giving it the attention and space it needs, it will grow to become something that will be deeply healing.
So, feel in your heart. Right in this moment… a fear that comes to mind. Just take the first one that pops up. It does not have to be large or small, just accept it for what it is and hold it in your hands. Become familiar with it. Say hello, ask how it is doing. Wait, and you will be surprised just how much that seed of fear will open up to you.
We often treat fear as a nasty monster, images of jagged teeth and sharp claws come about and so it is only natural to want to avoid the entire thing. Write it off. It is scary and will never change so the only thing to do is resist it, run from it, or chain it up somewhere so that it does not get out to bother you or, hopefully, anyone else.
But that is not the way to deal with it. Fear is a thing that teaches us, either about the world or about ourselves. If we talk to it and ask questions, we will learn just what it is meant to teach us. Sometimes it is hard to hear, hard to understand, hard to accept what it has to say past the more overt loudness it offers. This is where the planting comes into play.
It shows a willingness in yourself to hear it out, to try to turn it into something you do not want to hide away or walk away from, to leave and try to never think of it again. Planting these seeds of fear shows how much you are willing to work with it, give it the attention it needs, what it craves. And hopefully through this nourishing attention it will be able to grow into something more than just fear.
So you take this seed of fear, whatever specific thing or memory it represents, and slowly walk down to the field. It takes some time, but that is okay. The path is smooth and clear, but it gives you more time to become familiar with the seed you are carrying. Does it have a name? If not, that is okay too, but sometimes they have names. Sometimes they have personalities. Sometimes the seed is small, tiny, and sometimes it is rather large, like a bulb or root.
Just take your time in getting to know it. This is only the start of the journey and there will be a lot of time to continue to get to know this seed before it slowly transforms into whatever it is meant to transform into. Take deep breaths and be patient with yourself as much as you are being patient with the seed. While you are showing compassion to the seed, it is first and foremost more important to show that compassion to yourself. But, if you can only show that compassion to the seed, it is a good start, with the hope that it will expand to envelope you completely.
If you are not used to showing yourself compassion, just try to take it slow. That is the entire process, a slow change, a slow transformation. As the seed transforms so will you. So many are not used to showing themselves compassion so this step may be rather hard. It is okay. Everything is okay here as you begin to learn a new way of talking to yourself and processing things you may not have tried otherwise.
That is by no means a thing to be ashamed of. It is perfectly normal. Everyone has to find their own way of processing their fears. This meditation is just offering one option to help you out in the journey if it feels right for you. And sometimes, you will come across a way to deal with a fear that does not resonate with you at the time, but years later you come across the same technique again and it does speak to you - helping you with what you are dealing with.
Timing can be everything. What works at one point in your life may not in another, as is the case if it were switched. What did not work for you when you were five may be just the thing you needed when you are twenty. Life is ever changing and ever flowing. It is easy to be scared and threatened by that, so learning to deal with fear in the right way for you can be a very important thing in order to get through life in a kinder way than if you had not dealt with the fear at all.
As the Jedi are taught - fear leads to anger. So much pain and suffering can be rooted back to fear. And so we must ask ourselves, what is the root of the fears we feel? It could be many things, and each are personal. This is where you must be very honest with yourself.
You move further down the path and enter the tilled field. Your feet move along the soft soil, sinking a little with each step but you move along to find the perfect spot to plant your seed. Have a spot in mind? Good. Go there. Kneel down. Feel the soil with your hand and push it aside. Give your seed plenty of space and place it inside the hole you made for it. Thank it for what it has told you and wish it well before you push the soil back over.
A watering can is next to you, full of water. Take time to thank it for its nourishing gift. Look at the water as if it is the element of compassion. As you pour it over where you disturbed the earth, visualize compassion surrounding the seed and bringing positivity to it. Speak to it if you would like. Let it know that it is okay and safe for it to come out, to show itself, to let itself be fully known.
A lot of fear is tied to shame. The fear stems from this shame and not wanting to be known. So it hides. It contains itself under a lot of pressure. Sometimes the shame is taught, and so the fear is taught. Fear of not being liked, the fear of having people laugh at you, look down on you, fear of just not living up to others or your own expectations. So the seed may initially tell you what it is, but nothing else. It’s important to know more than just the topic, how it came to be, what other things were involved, and so it is more of a long conversation over time.
Expectations are another element involving fear. Only, expectations are the environment which fear can fester more. It makes the fear larger instead of letting the fear open up into what its root cause truly is, in order to be mended.
But here, we can expect the seed to grow, but we do not dwell on that. It is one thing to expect - which is one way of demanding a certain outcome. Instead, here, we simply allow things to take place. Under this peaceful umbrella of thought, we allow the seed to be nourished by the soil of your mind, your compassion, and your love. When fear actually feels safe to reveal what it has been hiding, what it truly is, then it will allow you to see what it is and what it is trying to teach you.
As an example of all this, when I search my heart for a single fear, the first thing that comes up is the fear of not being loved. It is very generic and there must have been some starting point for this or a few learned instances that fed the fear to make it what it is today. This is okay because it is such a basic fear and honestly, a typical fear for a lot of people.
So now that I have heard my seed speak to me, that I am afraid I will not be loved, I have more of a conversation with it. I hold it protectively in my hands, cupping it and supporting it as I walk down to the field. I ask how it is doing today, and it says it is okay. I ask where it came from and it goes silent. This is okay, it may not be time yet, it may not feel safe enough to let me know, or I may not be ready to hear its answer just yet.
But this little seed of fear is about not being loved, or worrying about such a thing. And so, to me, the way to solve this is to give this seed the love I inherently am afraid I will not receive. It is a way to teach self love, I suppose. For this fear is part of me, and if I send love to this fear, I send love to myself.
So I bring the seed up and whisper to it that I love it. It feels strange to do at first. Sending love to my fear or even myself is such a foreign thing. For so long I have relied on love from others to fill me. This is not sustainable. It is draining to them and leaves me in a desperate mess. And so, I am out here in this field ready to plant this seed and help it grow - to be more self-sustaining in the love that I need.
I kneel down and dig a hole for it. It is not quite ready to go in so I hold it for a bit longer. I cradle it and thank it, I tell it how important it is to me. This fear of not being loved is actually teaching me how to love myself in its own way. I thank it again, hold it close to my heart for a moment, try to feel the lesson, and then I place it in the ground. It is a delicate and small seed. But the fear that it held was powerful, and still is. But the beginning of my journey to weaken its hold on me begins in this moment. I bid the seed good night as I cover it up, as if tucking it into bed. Then I water it, sending it compassion as I feel grateful for its strength for opening up this much to me. My fear of being loved will grow into loving myself more just as this seed will grow.
With proper tending, visiting my seed daily to check on its progress, sending it love and checking in to see how it is doing, I will come to better understand everything that brought it into being. It will open up to me more and more and in doing so I will address the root of the fear that has controlled me for so long.